Living Single, Friends, and Girlfriends

Last week, amidst our tear-stained countenances, there was a brief moment of deflection from our pain on Twitter. David Schwimmer, an actor most famous for his role in the award-winning sitcom, Friends, suggested that his show be re-booted with either an all African-American or Asian-American cast. Needless to say, his suggestion was met with thousands of ancestral eye-rolling followed by thousands of opportunities to have multiple seats at a discussion that needed to be had. Of course those in the know knew that Living Single had preceded Friends. Had he misspoke? Or, was simply, like so much of other Africa -America contributions, was it just reasoned that there had not been anything of the sort before? Who knows.

As much as possible, I attempt to be sensitive to what the bigger discussion in the atmosphere is and this time was no different. Unrelated but definitely in-line, I began to think about women and our desperate need for female companionship. There always seems to be controversial reasons to wiggle away from admitting that there is a need. Men seem to be able to access and retain male relationships so much more fluently than we do: they even have codes. Think about it, even Job’s friends, as wrong as they were about his struggles, came by to sit with him—-in silence. But women? What do we have? In theory, it would seem as though we should have more attachment to those who share our experiences. 

Our experiences transcend race, religion, or geographical location. We share the same fears. We share the same challenges. We cry from the same depths of our beings and only women can mourn in such a way that all of heaven stops and turns to see where the need is. We all know how to create something from nothing while crying and wiping others tears (or behinds). 

But what is sometimes lacking is what we need the most: girlfriends. We have been so conditioned to believe that other women are our enemies for so long that we have missed the benefit of having another woman by your side to be a sounding board, sister, confidant, rider, counselor, and sometimes space saver. 

The right girlfriend can usher you into your “next!” When Mary, young and pregnant, needed strength, she visited her cousin Elizabeth, who knew something about being pregnant out of season, and when they connected, their babies leaped. Every time you connect with a woman, something inside of you should leap to action! That connection should push you into change and encourage you to stay the course. 

I won’t lie, past relationships with women had me quite “over it!” Countless times had I answered phone calls from friends who needed a friend but didn’t have the capacity to reciprocate. So, I stood there getting heavy with others burdens while I was near emotional death. The one time that I tried to hold my friend accountable, she walked away. Abandonment issues are real! Either you carry all of your mess alone or you decide that you don’t need friends. That was my choice. I was right, but it was wrong. Fear manifests in all kinds of ways. We think that we are ok, but the reality is we need healing. 

I was writing this blog before church started not realizing that our guest speaker was going to sum up all of what I was trying to convey. You NEED this!

Courtesy of The Potter’s House

Published by Phylisha

Life Coach. Writer. Artist. Teacher. Mother. Wife. Friend.

One thought on “Living Single, Friends, and Girlfriends

  1. I agree!!! It is very difficult to keep a good female friend. All of my friends I grew up with for. It see their 50th birthday!!! I have not been able to acquire w friendship like we had. The friends I have now are married and that’s a problem. I was at the service on Sunday and I don’t know why God has me single. It is not my choice. I’m thankful that you are addressing real issues! Keep it up!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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